Potter: Surviving the time I thought eating dog food was a good idea

I need food in my car that can withstand limb-numbing cold and freakish heat. (Maybe I should find a mild, middle-temperature climate to live in the next time I move.) I recently had some granola bars and a jar of peanut butter straight up melt in my trunk, and it’s equally difficult to eat them when they are frozen solid.

So I’ve been trying to figure out what kinds of food will not succumb to extreme temperatures, and in my searching came across a number of survival sources that recommended the same two foods: dry ramen noodles … and dog food. The ramen was a no-brainer. I tossed a few bags of that in the trunk without question.

The dog food, though? That took some experimentation. I knew right when I read about it the first time that I would have to try it, and that didn’t really excite me. And yet, I like adding new skills and items to my survival life.

I took my 6-year-old to the store and told her we were getting some dog food.

“For the cat?” she asked, confused.

“No.”

“Are we getting a dog?” she exclaimed.

“No. I’m going to try it myself.”

The picture says it all.

I was feeling pretty confident and excited, though. Here was a very all-in-one, nutrition-packed food that stores well, survives extreme temperatures and is pretty cheap.

I ate a spoonful.

So that was a stupid idea. That was really gross … and hard, gritty and vomit-inducing. It got worse as I crunched it too. The inside had a bit of a chewiness to it.

I was going to try to convince my wife to try it with me, but her reaction to me eating it made it clear that even a bribe of, like, an ice cream date wouldn’t have swayed her. (Plus, she can have all the ice cream she wants whenever she wants because she’s an awesome wife and mother and I love you — happy Valentine’s Day!)

The verdict? No, I will not be adding dog food to my car-survival-food. I think I’ll stick to more standard fare … like trail mix. Duh. Why didn’t nuts make my list before dog food?

But I’m glad I did it. I feel like I’ve crossed a barrier that I didn’t know existed: I’ve stepped over the line between “I’ve never eaten dog food” and “Why did I just eat dog food?” I’ve done it, and if you haven’t already … well, don’t. You probably didn’t need me to tell you that, but maybe someday you’ll come across a survival guide suggesting dog food, and now you can confidently say, “Seriously? Are you stupid? Of course I’m not eating dog food, you idiot.”

Now I just hope I don’t read that dog bones are great to have in a bug-out bag.