Idaho woman became a surrogate for a Chinese family. The baby is stuck in the U.S.

BOISE (Idaho Statesman) — Emily Chrislip could have handed the baby over to a nanny agency and been done with the situation.

It wasn’t her biological child, after all, and she had fulfilled her end of the contract.

But that didn’t sit well with Chrislip, who became a gestational carrier — or surrogate — because she wanted to help couples struggling with fertility issues.

Chrislip gave birth to a healthy baby girl on May 18 at a Boise hospital. Nearly 5,800 miles away, a Beijing couple was overjoyed to learn they had become first-time parents.

More than three months later, baby and family are still awaiting their first embrace.

A public health emergency was declared in the United States on Jan. 31 because of the coronavirus, and travel restrictions to and from China took effect Feb. 2.

“There’s really no update on when (the parents) will be able to get here,” said Chrislip, who has been married for three years and has a 2-year-old son of her own. “We tried to put ourselves in the parents’ shoes. If it was our child, what would we want for our baby? If we ever had to use a surrogate, we hope that she would be willing to take care of our baby.”

A few weeks of unexpectedly caring for a newborn has turned into months, and there’s no end in sight for the Chrislips. They don’t regret their decision.

“It is amazing what they are doing,” said Brooke Christensen, Chrislip’s younger sister. “I feel like everyone is pretty stressed in general as a society and as a country and my sister and brother-in-law have their own struggles. But they realize that these poor parents can’t even get to their baby. She could have taken the easy road out and had the surrogate agency come and pick her up. My sister and brother-in-law just felt like that wasn’t the right thing to do.”

CHOOSING TO BECOME A SURROGATE

“I would never do something like that,” Chrislip once said about surrogacy.

Then she had her first child, and her perspective changed.

With the full support of her husband, Brandon Chrislip, Emily began to research surrogacy agencies in early 2019 and ended up applying and being accepted by an agency in California.

She had to create a bio about herself and include pictures to help intended parents choose a surrogate they felt the most comfortable with. Intended parents provided the same information and photos for surrogates to review.

Hopeful parents, who may pay a surrogacy agency upwards of $100,000, generally have exhausted other fertility options, or they can’t conceive for medical reasons. A first-time surrogate in most states can usually expect to be paid about $30,000 in gestational surrogacy compensation, according to surrogate.com.

When both sides agree on a match, a video chat is set up to allow the parties to meet face to face. If all goes well, next comes a legal process and a medical screening.

The Chrislips connected with a couple from China, whose names will not be shared publicly to protect their privacy, and the surrogacy process began in earnest.

“At first I thought it was a little strange, and I didn’t really know how it all worked,” Christensen said. “But once we talked about it a lot more, I mean, she’s my absolute best friend so we share everything with each other. Once we were talking about it more and more and she told me her reasoning and how awesome it would be to be able to do that for a family, I was all for it. I thought it was super cool.”

A NEW LIFE BEGINS

The Chinese couple had three embryos available for a potential surrogate. After Emily was medically cleared, one of those embryos was implanted in September 2019.

Emily gave herself hormone shots for about 12 weeks.

“The baby ended up sticking, so I was pregnant,” Emily said.

The pregnancy itself was similar to her experience with her own son, Emily said. While she was in active labor longer as a surrogate, the delivery ended up being smoother and easier than her son’s.

After carrying a child for nine months, Emily predicted she might struggle emotionally when she had to say goodbye to the baby. Once she knew the baby couldn’t go to her biological parents right away, Emily focused on setting boundaries.

“When you’re pregnant, even with your own kid, you’re like: ‘Oh yeah, I’m having a baby.’ And you feel the kicks and everything, but it’s never quite a reality until they’re born and you see their face,” Emily said. “With the baby, when she was born, I had to kind of create some boundaries for myself to figure out what I was comfortable with personally.”

It’s a tricky situation trying to give the baby the love it needs to thrive without getting too emotionally invested.

The Chrislips have made it work with the generous help of family and friends.

HECTIC SCHEDULE

Emily took four weeks off from her job as a marketing and admissions specialist for a skilled nursing facility when the baby was born.

She thought it would be more than enough time for the baby’s biological parents to get to the United States, but it obviously wasn’t.

Emily has since returned to work. She kept her son in his usual day care routine, while her mother has largely cared for the baby while she and her husband are at work. Brandon helps with the baby as well, although Emily tried to take on the majority of the care initially.

“Then it finally got to a point where it’s overwhelming, so I had a talk with him,” Emily said. “Now we definitely split it 50-50, and it’s super nice that he’s supportive and just as involved as I am. Having that partner and that support is super helpful. I think it’s actually made our marriage a lot stronger, and I think that we also have a lot more respect for each other as people.”

Emily pumps her own breast milk and then bottle feeds the baby. She tries to approach caring for her as if she were a cousin or a babysitter.

“I know that we’ll miss her, and she’s a great little baby,” Emily said. “But we know she’s not our baby.”

WATCHING FROM AFAR

With their biological child still on a different continent, Emily sends the family pictures and videos nearly every day.

The intended parents now call the Chrislips’ 2-year-old son the baby’s “God brother,” and the two families have grown closer throughout the ordeal.

They’ve even learned to approach the situation with a sense of humor.

“I guess for us, we don’t really think that much of it,” Emily said. “I’ll have people come into work and be like: ‘Oh yeah, I have this problem because of the pandemic.’ I’m like, ‘Well, I bet I’ll beat your problem.’ ”

Emily estimates she received between $35,000 and $40,000 in compensation for being a surrogate. The Chrislips used the money to pay off student loans and buy a bigger house. What they’ve done since the baby’s birth is out of the goodness of their hearts.

“I feel like the biggest thing for me is just how selfless they’ve been,” Christensen said. “A lot of people will say, ‘How much money does she make doing that?’ But that was never the reasoning behind it. It was never even a thought. It was kind of a side note on it.

“My family is very blessed. We don’t struggle with fertility issues, but we know a lot of families do.”