My girlfriend is in a bad situation with her money and her career. She wants us to move in together but I’m concerned.

Dear Dave,

I’m pretty responsible with finances, but my girlfriend is in a bad situation with her money and her career. She has a huge car payment, and lots of credit card debt. On top of this, it takes almost 40% of what she brings home each month just to pay rent, and she quit her job because she decided she didn’t like it anymore. She’s been floating lots of ideas, like filing bankruptcy or moving in with me. She thinks us living together will help her learn to be more responsible with her finances. I’m concerned that if she can’t handle her finances on her own, what will happen if we move in together? Your advice would be appreciated.

Dan

Dear Dan,

I can’t say if she’s technically bankrupt at this point. But for starters, she definitely needs to sell the car and find a cheaper place to live. I’m also not sure how long you two have been seeing each other, but this is someone to keep dating, not marry or let move in.

The hard reality is that bankruptcy’s not going to solve anything if she’s got a heart problem. By “heart problem,” I mean if she buys things thinking stuff will make her happy and living way beyond her means in the process. Lots of folks mistakenly think they are where they live or what they drive. Those are the kinds of heart problems I’m talking about. And it’s the way I was years ago before going broke knocked some sense into me. It wasn’t until then I realized I had to make some serious changes in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. What I’ve just said doesn’t mean this lady’s a bad person. It just means she’s got some growing up to do. And all the money matters aside, you don’t just up and quit your job without a solid plan in place unless there’s a serious matter of principle at stake, or you’re the victim of abuse or harassment. Leaving one job for another is fine. But the idea of suddenly deciding you just don’t like something, then walking away from it when you’ve got a bunch of financial obligations, is just plain irresponsible. You don’t jump off the dock until the boat arrives!

Again, I don’t know all the details behind her finances, but chances are she’s not bankrupt. There are some character issues in all this that need to be addressed, though. If it were me, I’d suggest she spend some time seeing a good financial counselor—one with the heart of a teacher. Then, you can act as her support system to help keep her on track, and encourage her to keep moving forward toward getting control of her money.

–Dave