Man named Cocaine arrested after he can’t ‘control his whittle emotions’ at Subway, says Florida sheriff

The following is from a Facebook post by the Brevard County, Florida, Sheriff’s Office.

In New York, you get arrested for defending people on the subway … but in Brevard County, you get locked up behind bars for attacking people in a Subway!!

Clearly this guy, Edward Cocaine (and yes, that’s his real name), doesn’t know that in Brevard County, if you Mess Around, you’re gonna Find Out … the hard way!! Over the weekend, Cocaine and a friend went to the local Subway for lunch and were trying to place an order, but ultimately got into an argument with the employees over what they believed was their bad attitudes. If I’m a betting man, I would guess they didn’t like the fact that the footlong wasn’t $5 anymore, but hey, who knows, so let’s get back to the incident!!

Cocaine became so irate with the employees, that yelling at them from across the counter wasn’t enough!! Unable to control his whittle emotions, he decided to let himself behind the counter where he began to physically push one of them and then made an even dumber decision by pulling out a knife!! Yes, folks, you read that correctly. He pulled out a knife and gestured as if he was going to injure them all because he didn’t like the way they spoke to him and his friend!!

Now on a positive note, Cocaine’s friend made the great decision to try and intervene by attempting to restrain him and convince him to leave the establishment before anyone got hurt!!

Of course, after some great investigative work by our deputies and agents, they were able to identify Cocaine and his friend so that they could interview them about the situation. According to Cocaine, that was him in the surveillance video and while his memory of the incident appeared to be a bit off from what agents reviewed, he did acknowledge that pulling out a knife crossed the line of what is appropriate behavior!! I’d say that completely crossed the line and did dumb stuff that put others’ lives at risk!!

Well, as you might imagine, Cocaine was arrested for aggravated assault (x2), burglary with assault or battery, and battery, which as everyone knows in Brevard County gets you a free ride to Ivey’s Iron Bar Lodge, where I guarantee he ain’t gonna like the service or the attitude of those who work there!! He can, however, get food in our 1-star dining facility that is freshly prepared each day in our kitchen by inmates … sounds just yummy!!

So what have we learned here folks … first and foremost don’t mess around in Brevard County unless you are ready to spend the night in jail with a few new friends and while eating a less than subpar lunch!!

Sheriff Wayne Ivey

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