Beware lizard people, Idaho: Here’s the most-searched conspiracy theory in each state

BOISE (Idaho Statesman) – As all Idahoans know, many of our neighbors are weirdos.

But how bizarre are they?

Not the strangest in America, thankfully. At least not according to “Every State’s Most-Searched Conspiracy Theory,” a revealing analysis from — um, USDirect, an authorized DirecTV dealer?

Congratulations. You are reading about one of the silliest, least credible “studies” of all time, conducted by experts on 24-month satellite TV contracts. But it’s a hilarious idea. Basically, USDirect snooped on the Subreddit “r/conspiracy,” which has 1.5 million subscribers. Poring over nonstop nonsense, USDirect narrowed things down to the nine most popular conspiracy theories. Then they used Google Trends to deduce which one each state searched most in 2020.

First, the good news: At least a few Gem State citizens still believe the Earth is round. That’s a big win for Idaho. The Flat Earth conspiracy theory was not our most-searched. But it was for our astronomy-challenged pals nearby in Utah, Wyoming and Colorado.

The bad news? Idahoans are gazing nervously upward. Our state’s most-searched conspiracy theory was — Chemtrails. Yes, terrifying stuff supposedly streaming from high-flying aircraft to control our brains. Or biology. Or whatever.

More bad news? We are flanked by Lizard People. That was the most-searched conspiracy theory in Washington and Montana. When it comes to out-of-state transplants moving to Idaho, I’d say we definitely need to watch out for Lizard People. Freakin’ newcomer Lizard People, driving up housing prices with their fat, reptile-skin wallets.

I have to admit that USDirect’s article did a fun job researching the nutball theories, which also include The New World Order, New Coke, Black Helicopters, Tupac is Alive, Deepwater Horizon and the Moon Landing was Fake. The media kit even has extra whoppers, including Pizzagate and 5G conspiracies.

Oh, and, naturally, there’s Jeffrey Epstein.

Idahoans know all about Epstein, the convicted sex offender who died in his New York jail cell in 2019. In early 2020, at least two Boise businesses displayed outdoor signs proclaiming that “Epstein didn’t kill himself.”

Once COVID-19 arrived, Epstein sort of got overshadowed by other paranoia. Check out “r/conspiracy” for examples. The three most common words in the titles of posts there are “people,” “Biden” and “coronavirus,” according to USDirect.

Still, with warm weather approaching, I’m going to keep my focus on border-crossing lizards.

And hold my breath until I can’t see any vapor trails.