A home intruder killed her husband and attacked her. Now Karen Brian and her kids speak out.
Published at | Updated at
REXBURG — Ralph and Karen Brian should be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary on Saturday.
The Rexburg couple would likely enjoy a nice meal, take a ride on Ralph’s Harley and spend the weekend away with each other.
Instead, Karen plans to visit Ralph’s gravesite and have dinner with their children.
“He’s always going to be with us, but it’s different,” Karen says of her husband. “Of the things about him, he was definitely very present wherever he was at. If he walked into a room, everybody knew he was there.”
Karen and Ralph were jolted awake early on Sept. 20, 2021, to find an intruder inside their home. Pierre Lake, who was 18 at the time, shot Ralph in the head and stabbed Karen multiple times.
Ralph died three weeks later, and Lake was charged with first-degree murder and attempted first-degree murder. He pleaded guilty and last week, was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison.
Karen sat down with EastIdahoNews.com this week in her first public interview since the attack to share memories of her husband. Two of their four children, Cody Brian and Amanda Grimmer, joined her, along with son-in-law Jared Grimmer and several of Ralph and Karen’s 12 grandchildren.
The ‘nightmare’ event
Karen and Ralph were living in a mobile home on North 12th West in Madison County and had plans to build a house on property a few miles away.
They had gone out of town and returned to Rexburg the night before the attack.
“There are a lot of things I do remember about it, but I try to remember him instead of remembering the event,” Karen says. “The event is the nightmare, so I just think about him, positive things, who he was and what he meant to our family. That’s what I have to do because I was living the event, and don’t need to dwell on it. It’s not going to do me any good.”
By all accounts, Lake’s attack on the Brians was random, and he has never explained his actions. Karen and her children choose not to focus on the reasons or they end up down a “rabbit hole” trying to make sense of the tragedy.
“I don’t feel like we’ve spent a lot of time dwelling on how or why it happened,” says Cody Brian. “We’ve just accepted the reality and are dealing with it.”
Cody’s sister, Amanda Grimmer, adds, “These are the cards that we’ve been dealt, and (we’re) just moving forward with how we can do it together.”
With her four kids surrounding her, Karen read a victim impact statement during Lake’s sentencing. She says she wasn’t scared or afraid to look him in the eyes but admits she was “kind of numb.”
RELATED | Man sentenced for home invasion that ended with murder of Rexburg father
“It was somewhat like being on the outside looking in. … I had to have help, (and) I still can’t process it. I don’t know if I’ll ever process it 100%,” Karen recalls.
Lake apologized during the hearing, but Cody says it fell flat.
“He said he was sorry and it felt like he was looking right at me when he said it. It just felt really empty and hollow,” Cody says. “I try not to think about him.”
Remembering Ralph
The Brians have remained close over the past two and a half years, eat dinner together on Sundays and constantly share memories of Ralph.
He always attended the grandkids’ cheerleading competitions, sporting events, birthday parties and other family activities. He loved raspberry jelly-filled doughnuts, camping, hunting, fishing and riding his motorcycle.
“He was great. He taught me everything I know,” Cody says. “We would always go hunting together, and we would get a tag and I’d say, ‘Let’s go out this Saturday,’ and he’d be like, ‘I think it’s a little early in the season,’ (but) we’d still go out, and we’d get up super early and buy all the hunting treats.”
Amanda will always remember her dad’s great sense of humor, even though he often had a serious look on his face. He knew how to tease and “push people’s buttons” but didn’t do it to be rude.
“He would push just enough for it to be funny but he always made it very clear how much you were loved by him,” she says. “He would do anything for you. I think my kids are going to remember grandpa teasing them a lot, but he also supported and loved and was their biggest fan.”
Son-in-law Jared Grimmer looked up to Ralph for how important family was in his life. His father-in-law taught him compassion and love are good things.
“He showed me that saying, ‘I love you’ to your kids, to your spouse, to anybody, wasn’t beyond him,” Jared says. “Over 400 people were in attendance from the community for Ralph’s funeral service. … He had an impact in the community, and people knew him.”
One reason Karen wanted to speak publicly was to thank everyone in the community for their support, love and prayers. Within days of the attack, as she was recovering and Ralph clung to life in the ICU, her family, neighbors and fellow church members packed up all her belongings and moved her from Rexburg to Idaho Falls to live with Amanda and Jared.
“I love the community that we live in. The first responders, the police department, family, friends, the doctors — I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of them,” Karen says. “I know if we were somewhere else, it probably wouldn’t have been the same.”
The Brians have learned a lot since the tragedy, like the importance of keeping traditions alive, focusing on the positive and relying on faith to get through difficult times. They hope the world knows how amazing Ralph was.
“I know I’m going to get to see him again. I know this was part of God’s plan for my dad, and he was needed on the other side for whatever reason,” says Amanda. “That doesn’t mean we enjoy it here, but we also think part of the reason we have remained so strong as a family is because we know we are supposed to be learning something from this as well. It’s helped us work harder at seeing what we’re supposed to see and learn and do the things we are supposed to do while we’re still here.”
Watch our entire interview with Karen and her family, including memories of Ralph from their grandchildren, in the video player above.